Touched
by Snow Tigra
Summary: Finished. A very VERY depressing songfic about the relationship between Treize and Wufei protrayed in the series. Be warned it is very depressing.


TOUCHED by VAST  
  
touched  
  
Wufei watched as the large gundam before charged forward into his beam saber. Wufei cried out in surprise and anger, he'd never thought Treize would pull such a thing. Never thought... never thought...  
  
And then the tears were flowing. He couldn't stop them. He didn't want to.  
  
**  
  
you'll say that I accept  
so much  
of what you say is true  
  
"You said I was one of the few that understood you." Wufei's soft voice echoed into the twilight as he gazed down at the polished marble grave. Treize's grave. He'd waited a month to visit it. Waited until he knew he wouldn't run into Dorothy or Noin or Une, or anyone for that matter. The hours of twilight, just after the cemetary was closed off to the public. That's when he'd jumped the fence and made his way through the rows to his grave.  
  
Now he stood beneath the crecent moon, in the twilight just after sunset but just before true darkness. He could still read the letters upon the grave, it wasn't completely dark yet. The wind picked up and pulled at the edge of his white trench coat and loose hair. Wufei pushed it out of his eyes, behind one ear and knelt down silently.  
  
I'll never find someone quite like you again  
Without a word or any other movement he brushed his fingers over the carved in letters. Treize Kushrenada. Died AC 195. Wufei closed his eyes as the wind picked up speed and pulled at his hair, whipping it across his face. The smooth strands stung his skin, but he welcomed the pain sadly.  
  
Standing back up Wufei blinked, expecting there to be tears to hold back. But there were none. No, he'd done his crying. The other pilots hadn't seen it but he'd been crying in his gundam the entire time after Treize's death. He hadn't let them see, it was his personal pain.   
  
I'll never find someone quite like you  
Treize was dead. That alone was hard to believe and understand. The sad, cold fact that Treize had died by his hand left a large empty spot in his soul and heart. And what wasn't empty was filled with guilt. True, now the war was over and it might have contiued if Treize had lived. But if this was the price of peace, it wasn't worth it.  
  
like you  
In the end of the war Wufei had lost. He'd lost something he'd never had in the first place. By all rights he had nothing to mourn for nothing had happened. But that was the point! Nothing had happened! Wufei clenched his fist and scowled at himself for the umpteenth time in his life. Once again the ones he cared about suffered from his actions. Why did it always happen this way? Why?!  
  
aaa eee aaa  
Wufei closed his eyes ad once again he could hear the sounds of twisting metal and crackling energy. In his mind he watched the gundam explode with energy and light. Then there was darkness. Treize was dead. His mind would never let him forget that it was his hand stained with the blood of his unrevealed love.  
  
**  
  
"I'm asking if you guys are doing the right thing!" Wufei moved Nataku toward Wing Zero in an attack, swinging his beam saber swiftly. Heero caught the blade with his own and yelled back at Wufei. Wufei didn't hear his words. Instead the world around him shifted for one moment and suddenly it wasn't Wing Zero he was fighting, it was the Tallgeese.  
  
razors and the dying rose  
He froze, his body shivering. Clutching the control stick to his gundam tightly he tried to regain control. He couldn't move, he couldn't strike. He heard Heero's voice over the loud speaker, mentioning something incoherent to his mind. He couldn't understand the words. All he could do was blink and watch as the image of Wing Zero before him shifted to that of the Tallgeese and back. And Heero's voice echoed Treize's. They weren't the same words... but yet everything here was so simular.  
  
is clean  
"How many times do I have to see that little girl die? Zero won't tell me, Wufei. Tell me Wufei."  
  
Wufei broke out of his shocked state as he watched Wing Zero's engines cut. The gundam plumetted toward the ocean and all Wufei could do was watch. Treize's voice and Heero's question rang in his mind.  
  
I don't leave you alone  
Why do you still haunt me Treize? Am I still taking the wrong path? Am I still making mistakes? Am I still acting wrong? I thought fighting for your daughter would bring me a sense of peace, and maybe give me back a piece of what I lost when you died. But it didn't.  
  
demigods and ugly ghosts  
Wufei's shaking hands let go of the control stick to cover his face as his gundam floated motionless through space. He could feel the tears again, flowing out of his eyes and floating around the cockpit of his gundam. Closing his eyes he hugged himself and let the emotions overtake him. He hadn't cried since Treize had died. In a way it felt good to let it all out again. Yet he knew why he was crying, he'd fucked up again.  
  
and my god knows I'm not at home  
His home and wife had been destoryed by his actions before. And then Treize had been killed. And now? Participating in injustice to discover what justice really was? It had worked, but not the way he wanted it to. Once again his soul felt empty and yet consumed with guilt. He let the guilt wash over him and the tears fall from his eyes. It felt good. The return of guilt and emptiness was a great relief to his soul.  
  
I'll never find someone quite like you again  
The last his fellow gundam pilots saw of him was when he stood behind all the earth's people who opposed the Barton Foundation. The last thing they heard was him saying good-bye to Treize. Maybe some of them caught the tears in his voice. Maybe, if he'd had the viewscreen on, they would have seen the sparkling tears clinging to his cheeks. But they hadn't.   
  
I'll never find someone quite like you again  
He'd thought that on that day he'd truely said good bye to Treize's spirit. He'd learned what true justice was and learned, in the process, that he wasn't the weak one. Only those who did not act on their emotions were weak. And he had acted. He may have acted wrong, but he had acted none the less. In the end it was Treize who had taught him what justice was. In the end it was Treize who had won the battle. So why had the winner's name been carved on a grave stone and not a commerative plaque?   
  
aaa eee aaa  
Perhaps that is just the humor of fate. And perhaps those who's names were carved on grave stones are remembered more then those who recieve the medals. Medals rust and lose their shine with age. While the grave stone will always stand.  
  
I  
And after everything Wufei found himself back at the grave site. After the war with Treize's daughter and his own personal war with himself he was back at the beginning. How time laughed at him.  
  
He'd tried to live on his own, joining the Preventers and working in what he used to call justice, but he hadn't lasted long there. Barely a month and he'd quit, leaving only his uniform and a written apologee on Sally Po's desk. He just couldn't do it. He just couldn't live in a world that was so split.  
  
And like it or not, Treize still haunted him.  
  
I looked into your eyes and saw  
He could still vividly remember the look in Treize's ice blue eyes the first time they'd met. When Wufei had jumped out of the cockpit of his gundam and held his sword at ready, ready to fight man to man. The look in Treize's eyes had been one of challenge and yet childish amazement at Wufei's age and courage. At the time he'd taken it as an insult.   
  
saw a world that does not exist  
Now he knew the look in Treize's eyes had been one of respect for a mutual warrior. He wished he'd noticed the real meaning of the look in those eyes then. Maybe he could have avoided all that had happened afterwards. But after that moment the look stayed with him and it grew into something strange, he didn't think he had Treize's respect and he'd gotten the crazy notion that he wanted to earn the man's respect. He'd never really known why.  
  
I looked into your eyes and saw  
It had taken him almost three years to discover that he'd had Treize's respect from the beginning, whether he'd earned it or not. The thought should have brought him peace when he'd realized the truth, but instead it only made him feel worse. He'd had what he wished for all the time and only to find out now?  
  
a world I wish I was in  
Why only realize this now? Why did it take me so long? Wufei let his thoughts wander haphazardly as he stood there in the cold snow, staring at the gleaming grave stone. The snow and marble sparkled in the light of the rising sun. Had he really been standing there all night? Wufei sighed softly.  
  
"I wish I had been you, Treize." he murmured into the silence of the coming dawn.   
  
aaa eee aaa  
He looked up to the horizon as the bright colors of morning broke across the land. The sight was breathtaking and for a moment Wufei just watched. But the magnificent sight did nothing to cheer him up, instead it only made him feel worse.  
  
I'll never find someone quite as touched as you  
Treize had been a special man. A man who would have brought the world many great things had he lived. Wufei realized that now. Despite his beginnings and how they had met Treize had been one of the few people that had worked to make the world a better place, no matter what the obsticles in his path.  
  
I'll never love someone quite the way  
Wufei knelt down in the snow and traced his fingers across the cold stone again. Tracing the letters of Treize's name. Maybe, if there hadn't been a war... maybe things would have been different. Maybe they would have had a chance to be more then enemies.  
  
"Perhaps I'll never know. All I do know, Treize, is that the war is over. You would be happy to hear that."  
  
Wufei sighed softly. Yes, the war was over. Despite his former thoughts he knew he couldn't live in a world of peace. It wasn't because he enjoyed fighting, it was more because that war had caused him to be empty. Treize's death had caused him to be empty. After two years of trying to fill that emptiness he knew that nothing would ever fill it.  
  
"Perhaps. Perhaps you could have filled that hole Treize. All I know is I can't live with it."  
  
I loved you  
  
And as the sun reached for the sky a shot rang out. Then there was nothing but silence. 


End file.
